Imagine the voice of the late Andy Rooney saying all this because I really feel old as I rant about music award shows.  I’m sure there will be those that love awards shows, so to those, I’m sorry for what you are about to read.

You’ve heard almost all artists at one point or another vocalize their disdain for award shows, but most of those same artists proudly display their Grammy hardware in the first room you see inside their house once they win one. So with the Grammy’s coming up in a few weeks, here’s my rant on music award shows (this could also easily translate to movie awards).

Now, I know I teach college finance so I’m a dorky “numbers guy,” but shouldn’t the winner of each category be who has sold the most downloads and albums for the year? NASCAR winners have to earn the most points to win the Sprint Cup.  The winner of a baseball, basketball, soccer, or football games have to win by scoring the most point, not vote on who is the best team.  Ryan Braun didn’t win the batting title because he was voted the best batter in the league last year.  No, he took steroids and put up the NUMBERS to win that award. Why do music artists win an award simply because some people in the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences that may know nothing about that genre of music voted for them as the Best Male Vocalist, Best Rap Video, etc.?

While some artists change their tune (no pun intended) about the Grammy’s when they get nominated, some artists like Maynard James Keenan, lead singer of metal band Tool, stick to their guns and do not attend the Grammy Awards ceremony to receive an award when they get nominated. He explained his reasons: “I think the Grammys are nothing more than some gigantic promotional machine for the music industry. They cater to a low intellect and they feed the masses. They don’t honor the arts or the artist for what he created. It’s the music business celebrating itself. That’s basically what it’s all about.”  Tell us what you really think Maynard! Definitely some truth to that and I think it actually would be cool if some of the awards were vote-based to include those artists who haven’t made a dent commercially but are talented artists.  Maybe that award could be voted on by other artists in that genre.  But that should be the exception, not the rule.

Andy Rooney

A very popular example of the problem is when Jethro Tull won the Grammy for best Hard Rock/Metal performance over Metallica in 1988. Few problems there, (1) Jethro Tull wasn’t a heavy metal band, (2) the guys voting for this didn’t even know who Metallica OR Jethro Tull actually was, but the biggest is (3) Metallica probably outsold Jethro Tull by 1,000 times that year. The Grammy folks could have saved themselves a lot of embarrassment that year by just putting the numbers together and awarding the Grammy to the artist who sold the most singles or albums that year. How hard is that? Jethro Tull could have been included in the Best Flute/Rock Group Performance category. It’s probably in the 109 categories they had last year. By the way, they’ve restructured the Grammy’s so we only have to deal with 78 categories this year. Whew! That will help (sarcasm).

Also, who actually votes for these awards? Who is actually in “The Academy” that gets to cast their almighty vote? Here’s a discussion that needs to be made…..”Mr. or Mrs. Academy Voter, may I please see your iPod to see if you own any songs you voted for?”.  If not, you are no longer a registered voter.

Even the People’s Choice Awards that is supposed to be based on votes from the general public is skewed. No ballots ever came to my mailbox or inbox. Am I supposed to go research how to cast my vote?  Well, that’s way down on my priority list. How about an email to everyone who has bought an Amazon.com or iTunes download?  Or better yet, just tally the number of downloads and base awards on the numbers. I realize this will mean the Entertainer of the Year will probably be Justin Bieber or Lady Gaga. Not a fan of either one, BUT I’d say these artists deserve the award if they sold the most albums, downloads or concert tickets over the course of the year.  The numbers proved they should win that award.

Oh and one last rant: if an artist is asked to perform at one of these shows and they turn around say “surebut I’d like Ludacris to come on stage and sing one of the verses with me,” that artist should be banned for life from ever getting an award or performing on an awards show. Jason Aldean and Christina Aguilera need to stand on their own two feet. Nothing against Ludacris or Eminem but they have their own rap categories they can

Stoner

compete in. That move hasn’t been cool since Run DMC and Aerosmith did “Walk This Way” in the ’80s. That was the one time it was cool. OK, maybe Tim McGraw and Nelly got away with it, but again — exception, not the rule.

Anyway, the major benefit of using sales numbers is that there will no longer be a need for 20 different awards shows. Sorry to those of you that love awards season, but I don’t think we need the MTV Awards, CMT Music Awards, American Music Awards, the Grammys, VH1 Awards, Soul Train Awards, you get the idea. Just one show is needed and all of the sales numbers can be tallied one time.

OK, I’m turning off my channeling of Andy Rooney now and getting ready to plan my Grammy party. I hope they take my advice this year, as they’ve been ignoring me for way too long.

Steve Stoner