Archive for February, 2011

Radiohead.

MCGUIRE: A little help getting over the hump from Radiohead

Radiohead.

It’s Wednesday, the weekend is almost here, you all can make it there I know you can. Radiohead’s Thom Yorke wants to help — he told me [footage unavailable]. On Saturday one of my favorite bands Radiohead released their eighth studio album titled “The King of Limbs.” The album was released digitally and the hard copy will be available on vinyl and CD in May. I purchased “The King of Limbs” and thus far it has not disappointed. After a few more listens I will have a complete review. In the meantime lets celebrate this Wednesday with some videos. Do not be afraid to dance at your desk.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uYWYWPc9HU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVNrXPnGqvM

Here is another link to a video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHiGbolFFGw

Jacob McGuire

McGuire

The Panel of Women Answering Questions About Women Team

McGuire

My sources (every other commercial stating that He went to Jared, and every kiss in the history of kisses has begun with Kay, which really if you think about does not shine a good light certain women only willing to trade a kiss if Kay Jewelry is on hand) tell me that February is the month of love. Today, being Valentine’s Day is the focal point of all of this whole month’s love. Today millions of people will receive flowers, candies or cards sent by either lovers or by themselves to ease the pain of loneliness. These gifts will be sent out thanks to the Catholic Church designating the day in the 5th century to prevent a bunch of pagans from sticking with the usual tradition of slutting it up on this day… sorry did I kill the romanticism a bit?

With today being Valentine’s Day, it is hard to avoid the pressure of providing all of the right elements to make someone’s day special. I realize that all of you men out there come to this blog for your love advice, and you are relying solely on this article to understand how to have a good relationship. Unfortunately I know nothing, an extensive knowledge of Batman does not impress ladies like you would think, and the method of hiding behind bushes and staring provides little more than restraining orders. In order to gain a better understanding on the subject I assembled a panel of the womaniest women around. These ladies have been ladies for almost twenty years so they are qualified to provide this insight. So for Valentine’s Day questions and more I give you:

The Panel of Women Answering Questions About Women Team (it’s a working title)

The Experts

1) The panel was shown a picture of chocolates, a stuffed animal, flowers and homemade stuff and asked to rank the most desired gift. Homemade things and flowers tied for first, stuffed animals came in third and chocolate in a distant fourth. Comments: “A lot of those boxes of chocolate have good ones but then some gross random ones.” “It is very sweet if he takes the time to make something, it shows he put time into it and it is unique.” “Flowers are always good.”

2) The Panel was asked to put together an ideal Valentine’s Day date. Some sort of surprise during the day, flowers sent to class or to work for example. Depending on the length of relationship preparing the dinner yourself is amazing. Even if you are not a good chef apparently, it is all in the effort and the act. Comments: “Do something unique to make the date memorable.” “One time my friend’s boyfriend dressed up as a gorilla and brought her bananas to class that said “I’m bananas for you,” it was cute, kind of awkward, but she will always remember it.” About the type of flowers: “Red roses are cliché but always a safe bet.” “If you know the girl well you should be able to put together her preference, if not go with the roses.” There was also an expression of hatred for Carnations during this exchange.

3)  Does the Man always have to pay? “No, this isn’t the 1950’s.” “It depends on who did the asking out. If the girl asked the guy out then it she can pay.” “It depends on how long the relationship is, like if it’s a first date then yeah, but should not be expected.” “One guy never let me pay for anything, and it made me feel uncomfortable like I was indebted to him.”

4) Please rank what matters most: A) Looks B) Profession C) Personality D) Intellect E) Financial Status

1. C) Personality was first across the panel. 2 D) Intellect 3 B) Profession/Status 4. A) Looks

Comments: “Personality matters the most by far.” “There has to be an initial attraction but looks fade and do not matter for longterm.” “I’m glad my father is bald so I am use to baldness.”

Next up I read the panel some statistics I found online and asked them to react.

More than 43 percent of women have said “I love you” back to a guy, even though they didn’t mean it. An additional 12 percent of women haven’t told that fib, but they would, if they didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

“Yeah that does not surprise me.” “I believe if women were being honest the number would be much higher than 12 percent.” “It is a very awkward position to be put in.”

Less than 20 percent of women would dump their boyfriend if he became fat.

“Yeah I would not dump him for being fat; I would be concerned about his health.”

75 percent of women cry at least once a month, with 33 percent of women crying at least once a week. Additionally, 99 percent of women believe that real men cry.

“I think mainly our tears come from movies, books and most of all stress.” “Sometimes I have cried just to have a good cry.” “As long as he is too sensitive and emotional, it is okay for a guy to cry.”

Next I presented a couple questions that were submitted by friends.

1. What the hell? Why is….why am I not good enough, this is bull [crap], why can I give and give and it is not enough? What do they want? Do they want presents? A nice guy? A bad guy? I’m a great guy, I have a future, What do you WANT?!

A: ………………..hmmm……..

2. Is it okay to do relationship stuff with all of the new technology such as texting, e-mailing and social networking?

A: “Texting is not an option for important stuff, it is hard to get the message across, never ask a girl out through a text, that is a phone call or face-to-face job.” “My friend’s boyfriend told her he loved her for the first time through a text message yesterday.” (The entire panel looks disgusted, woman number three pukes) “It is hard to figure out on break ups, like if they live far away face-to-face might not be an option, plus when sending a text you do not know what the girl is doing at that moment.”

Next I showed the panel pictures of Einstein (brains), Indiana Jones (rugged, adventurous, a muscley dude) and Captain Jack Sparrow (pirate) asked them to pick most desirable.

1. Indiana Jones (because he would be all of those things)

The answer to everything: Be this guy.

This concluded our panel discussion. I hope that valuable information can be found here. I would like to thank the Panel of Women for being so open, honest and helpful. Men out there … basically be like Indiana Jones. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Jacob McGuire

McGuire

A couple options for a less healthy you

Louie C.K. has obviously discovered the secret to a perfect body

In the words of comedian Louis C.K. “it’s easy to have the body you want, you just have to want a [crappy] body.” Well I did it my friends, I have achieved the body I want. With this body it is no wonder the ladies are always lining up. The phone is always ringing off the hook, and when I walk into Quincy’s finest night clubs, people act like teen rap duo Kriss Kross just made an entrance. They are still relevant aren’t they?

McGuire

If I did not learn to laugh at myself by now, getting up in the morning would not be an option. So this body is achieved by making regular trips to McDonald’s and Hardees, and if you are like me sometimes the food there is just not unhealthy enough. Well rest assured, here are two special ways to mak e sure you get the most artery blockage for your buck; we are going to take things a little further and venture off the menu.

Sometimes I enjoy a late night out on the town. It is not because I like being in public and around people. I hate people. I enjoy a late night out because it means at 3 a.m., I have the option of going to Hardees and ordering the Quincy specialty “The Herald.” This perfect concoction of a biscuit, eggs and tator tots smothered in gravy hits the spot like you would not believe after a night of revelry with friends. I have spent many nights after attending a party, racking my brain with my friends trying to get a competent driver to answer the phone and make the trek to Hardees. It all balances out because I cannot count the nights that I have been woken up and requested to make a Herald run. It is also customary to purchase a Herald for the awoken driver. It is the right thing to do, just the way I was raised I guess.  So next time you find yourself out at 3 a.m., do yourself a favor and secure a safe driver and get to Hardees to order a Herald. Also the Herald is exclusively made at the Hardees on Broadway. So if you are on 12th street, you are just going to have to settle for chicken strips.

This next item is elusive and mythical and not always a sure thing. I am referring to a Big Mac at McDonalds, however, the burger patties are replaced with chicken patties. This item is not on the menu and has no name. For no reason other than it sounds funny, my friends and I have come to call it the McCrypty. It is a finicky ordering process. Going to the drive-thru will yield no results. The McCrypty requires face to face explanation. Enter the McDonalds with confidence, but not arrogance, order the McCrypty like you are ordering a happy meal, as if it would be absurd to have your request denied. When the worker says “I do not know if I can do that, let me get a manager,” politely explain your request to the manager, depending on the personnel your request may get the go ahead. If your wish is granted, celebrate and be proud, because the McCrypty is awesome. If you are denied, do not be a jerk, you failed; just try again at the other McDonalds or when a new manager is in.

Apparently McDonalds in Chile are ahead of the curve

Does anyone else know of any off the menu items at restaurants around town? If you do, please fill me in by commenting.

Jacob McGuire